Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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