How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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