I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
