What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
