Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Boobs are out for the taking
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Randomize
