What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
