Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
