Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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