Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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