tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
