this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize