wakey wakey hands off snakey
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize