She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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