He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
