I think i peed on brittanys purse
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
