i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
