someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize