I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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