Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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