Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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