Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
