peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
