I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize