you traded sex for a burrito?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you.
Bad choice
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