I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
