she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
