dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
