I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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