I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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