You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
