can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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