And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
