then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
