She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
