Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
