You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize