he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
