Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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