Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
