Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
