I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize