Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
