I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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