in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
