Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
