4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
