I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
