I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
