Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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