Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am midnight drunk by noon
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
