Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
