You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
