She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
