and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
