my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she told me i tasted like america
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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