She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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