In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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