that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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