I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
