grandma shit on top of the toilet
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
