i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
