Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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