rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
