Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
