I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize