I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize