Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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